oh yes, sitting here on the patio in texas is a big change from anything nearly close to california. but as i'm sitting here, it has only made me realize tenfold how much i love the golden state. golden and brazen and beaming and coastal and lovely and full and fresh and lovely lifeforms take place here. (i supposed im speaking as if i'm there already since my heart is laid there and forever will be) I still love san francisco, i still love it til the day i die. I think about all my time spent there, woawie do i ever. i've never experienced anything like i did in san francisco. being mezmorized by the cityscape, the history, the energy there just filled me up from my shoes to the tip of my nose. i can't help it! i still love it there, but i do believe my time is not right or ripe to be travellin up that way to permenently stay, at least not yet. i've bound to get my barings straight, before i make that my place of permenence. maybe i'm making the wrong decision? maybe i'm not.. maybe ill never know until i get there, the tide is high and i'm holdin on. and i cant wait to just be back in california! breathin in that ocean air and feeling the sticky salty sweetness of it on my skin. i long to feel that stickyness on my skin as opposed to humidity stricken heat stroke bleakin, sweat dripping down my neck and feeling the heat everywhere in places i've never felt heat before, save my magical nights in san francisco!
oof, the thoughts just take me back, which i know i will never go back to, those moments are everlocked in time, in my mind, just waiting to burst out and share themselves with the world, some of which i had to accept and except situations in my mind before i could come to actually tangibilize these inaudiable beautiful times. yes i know, better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all, but isn't it so much nicer to just love and never lose? but then i suppose you would never know what's so sweet without the bitter. you've gotta have the bitter to have any inclination as to what the sweetness taste like. and it tastes o so sweet. yes, yes yes. mostly raining, but that one week of sunshine was a great week in time. see! you can't have the sweet without having the bitter. and the bitter was frickin bitter but the sweet, well hot dam, i've never had anything so sweet, made my tongue melt and my cross just snap into pieces while still on my neck.
i left home a torn little girl, trying to find solace in something that i knew would(or could) never be, finding myself in theory i suppose. and i came home, a torn young little lady, trying to find solace in my mind as to something i knew could,(or would) never be. go somewhere to find something, then come home to find something? well how could that be? well, how could it not be? maybe i was just to realize that i dont have to go any further than my own humble backyard to find what i've really been scowering for my entire life. maybe the moment i stopped looking it would just pop out and say hello and give me a little lay and let me stay forever. maybe, could be, indefinantly. what are the odds? well i stopped questioning what the odds are a long time ago in my stint in san francisco. what are the odds? there are no odds. everything IS odd, and will forever be odd, so just accept that fact and keep on pushin towards the coast, never back down, and never let that frown turn into an upside down smile for too long, you'll get wrinkles and look like you're smelling poo. and who likes to smell poo?
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